Tag Archives: psychosis

Projects

anxiety, caffeine, Calories, diabetes, gratitude, internal family systems, keto, Medication, mental health, motivation, projects, psychiatrist, psychosis, schizoaffective, schizophrenia, sleep, Therapy, Weight loss, writing, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Image: gratitude journal.
https://linktr.ee/matthiasjbarker?fbclid=PAAabOSCj2THoNkFK8nkKoP0OquO5P7L8HeLBBjQkatc1YYQb1W-ott8E8IfQ

I have a number of projects that I have trouble completing.

I am interested in internal family systems therapy. I have a book and workbook to use on your own but I have trouble getting started. I have an appointment with a new therapist in Jan and hope she can help.

I am in the process of reading Brain Energy about how mental illnesses are metabolic disorders. I skimmed through looking for explicit directions for how to deal with anxiety and schizoaffective disorder. He talks a lot about keto but I like to have targets for macros and he does not get specific or I missed it.

I got an activity journal that looks fun but I have only glanced at it.

My cousin, @AnnSloan, wrote a book called Suffer, that I have on kindle waiting to be read

I have a gratitude journal by @matthiasjbarker (pictured) that I just started today. It has prompts for everyday for 6 weeks. He also has a motivational zoom I signed up for. Maybe I can get some sense of priority with these projects and a timeline.

I started keto last month. I slipped a little eating some more carbs than I should. I have type 2 diabetes and keto really helps me with glucose control. My sugars went higher than normal and I am having trouble getting to a level I would like. I have not lost weight but I lose slowly usually.

I had a scare where my blood pressure was high at a Dr , not PCP. I tested at home and it was high on several days. I contacted PCP and she said to decrease salt and exercise more. Still high. I went for office visit and she read bp manually. It was normal. She thinks for some reason the automatic readers don’t pick it up right on me. I can go for manual checks if I need. I am a little confused about sodium. Usually you increase it with keto but my Dr wants me to stay to below around 2 g. I had been drinking bullion but I stopped. Grateful my BP is normal.

My sleep had not been well. It is improving. I can get 6-7 hours straight, the problem is it is shifted. I don’t fall asleep until about 3 am and am tired during the day. I cut back on caffeine and my psychiatrist reduced my medication. It is easier to stay asleep with the cooler weather.

If your health condition was a college major

anxiety, disability, graduation, life lessons, mental health, mental illness, schizoaffective, schizophrenia, writing, , , , , , , , ,

I belong to an online journaling group through The Mighty. Unfortunately, it will be ending soon. I am going to try a different group they have that is coloring and chatting. I attended the journaling group Th night. They have a number of prompts and you write for 10 minutes.

Image people in red gowns and caps graduating college

The prompt I chose was based on this post on The Mighty https://themighty.com/2022/06/health-conditions-as-college-majors-class-schedule/
If your health condition was a college major, what would the class schedule be.

This is mine:

Major in schizoaffective disorder with minor in social anxiety

Courses:

Intro to making friends
Reality testing 101 (or do you hear what I hear?)
Psychopharmacology and the art of being a guinea pig
Assertiveness and not letting others beliefs undermine your stability
Self-care

What would your classes be?

My week

anxiety, Coping skills, flight, hearing, hearing aids, mental health, mental illness, peer support, psychosis, support groups, work, , , , , , , , , ,
Image plane in flight

I tried hosting a session on sharewell, sharewellnow.com, a site for peer support. My session was supposed to be on coping with psychosis and/or mood disorders, but no one came so it was cancelled. I am going to try another session sun 6/26 on Coping with Social Anxiety. Hopefully, someone will come. https://sharewellnow.com/session/c7aba3cd-0dcb-44d5-b36a-1ed85d28eefe

I went to visit my sister in Boston for a week. It was fun. We saw some historic sites, had great meals, and just hung out. I talk with her all of the time, but it is different being in person. I actually adjusted to the time change, 3 hrs, pretty well. It was a direct flight which made it easy. I know nothing about flying, forget to take out my ipad from luggage at security point and take off shoes. I couldn’t figure out how to stream video. I slept, looked out the window and waited. I had rides to and from airport that went smoothly.

I am having more insurance issues. My therapist from last year emailed me that she did not get reimbursed. She is billing the wrong insurance company. I explained that and that I am stressed with the new insurance company. She was nice about it, said she will not bill me and will get back to me.Speaking of insurance, I have to have a root canal and don’t know how much will be covered, I am seeing an endodontist.

I posted on Reddit that I am frustrated with my hearing loss. I turn up my hearing aids but still have trouble understanding speech, an audiologist replied that I should not be turning them up and should wear them often. I am wearing them around the house today and I can hear. I will see how it goes at work next week,

Inviting the Dragon to Tea

anxiety, depression, dragon, mental health, mental illness, psychosis, support groups, Therapy, values, , , , , , ,

I don’t have an appointment with my therapist since I am seeing him as needed. I emailed him the dragon slayer story. He suggested that I should invite the dragon in for tea. When he starts saying I am worthless, a failure, no good, I will argue with evidence to prove that is not true, I wrote something, listing some of my qualities. I can’t get out of the values assignment.

Dragon silhouette

I saw an ad on Linked In for a site called Share Well, sharewellnow.com It is a site for hosting video support groups. I went to one on depression tonight. It was pretty good. After you go to one, you can sign up to host. I made one for psychosis and/or mood disorders for the 15th. I am going out of town the 6/8-6/14. I set it for one hour. I am hoping people want to talk but I will prepare some things in case I need. They are free sessions. If you are an expert, you can charge people to attend.

I went to a family gathering, my husband’s side. I went off by myself quite a bit. His family is friendly, no one was bothering me, I just did not feel social. At one point I left and sat in the car just to get away.

My car airbag light turned on. We had to get it fixed at the dealership $1000. I was not sure if we should get a new car but my husband pointed out that we can’t sell a car like that. I do want a newer car, but everything is so expensive right now.

The Keto Roller Coaster

anxiety, Co-occurring, job, keto, Medication, mental health, mental illness, peer support, psychosis, schizophrenia, support, Weight gain, Weight loss, , , , , , , , , ,
Image of roller coaster

I have been on a ketogenic diet for about 5 months to help treat type 2 diabetes. I was taking 2 medications. Metformin and Januvia. I am monitored through a program called Virta. I have a coach and a physician through Virta, it is all done virtually. There is also an online community for people on the program. It is covered by my insurance.

At the beginning of this month I had labs that my endocrinologist had ordered. The results were really good. A1C of 4.8 and fasting glucose 98. Everything else was normal, too. For some reason my endocrinologist office cancelled my appointment so I had to reschedule for August. The Virta dr said that I could try going off Januvia since my labs are so good.

So, I go off Januvia and everything goes screwy. I get ravenous at night and have to eat after dinner. I had been slowly losing, now I am gaining weight. My fasting glucose is higher than before I started keto. I test my ketones and they are low. I chatted with people in the community and they tell me to stick it out, that my body will adapt. I am not so sure. I put in a message to the Virta dr to ask for his opinion but I won’t hear until at least Monday. I did not even know if the Januvia was doing anything but I now notice a difference without it.

I rarely talk about work, but here I go. My opinions do not represent my employer.

I work in peer support in a 20 bed mental health crisis stabilization unit (CSU). I have worked in peer support at an activity center for people with mental health issues and in a residential program. The people we see are much more symptomatic than I had worked with in the past. I am available to talk and offer groups but I don’t get much interaction because people want to sleep, are too symptomatic, want to be left alone etc.

It is a new facility and peer support is a new position for my employer. I have been there about 5 months and still have not found my footing. My boss is aware of the issues of people not wanting to interact and told me to keep being available and offering groups. She is going to give me some additional duties once they are approved.

It also can be anxiety provoking when patients are loud or aggressive. I am not involved with dealing with those situations but I feel tense. I help out where I can. I like the place and what we do.

What I Have Been Up To Lately

bipolar, Dual diagnosis, Forgiveness, hams, harm reduction, Inner demons, mental health, mental illness, moderation, NAMI, pandemic, psychosis, Recovery, relapse, schizoaffective, schizophrenia, sobriety, suicide, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I had therapy last week. I started seeing this therapist after the pandemic, so all my sessions have been virtual. I forget what she asked but I mentioned I remember mistakes from the past, 20, 30 years ago or more and they torment me. She wanted me to share but I am not comfortable with that. I feel such shame and they were mistakes that I feel are unforgivable. If I did not feel shame there would be something wrong. But, I don’t want to delve into them.

My father did not believe in mental health treatment even though schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder and bipolar run in our family. When I started therapy he discouraged it saying talking about the past just makes everyone sad. I did not understand what he meant until now.

My therapist wants me to work on forgiving myself.  I have to explain to her that some of these things are best kept hidden.

 

 

I have been able to stay alcohol free after my planned intoxication in April.  My plan is sobriety until our wedding anniversary in October.  It was pretty easy to get back to it.

 

 

I posted a link to an In Our Own Voice presentation I did for NAMI, National Alliance on Mental Illness, in a different post. I have not been speaking much lately. I saw a different program by NAMI called VOICES. It is geared towards first responders. I signed up to be a speaker, but am having trouble figuring out where to start. My initial interaction with mental healthcare and police was not until I was 39, but since mental illness runs in my family that was not foreign.

My brother had a psychotic break in college at 20 (I was 15). He refused treatment and would get picked up by the police for 72 hour observational holds in the late 70s. His is a sad story. He was severely symptomatic for 6 years when he finally was placed on a different medication that he responded well to. But, he started becoming symptomatic again, paranoid, edgy, and probably needed his medication adjusted. He went to Yosemite while symptomatic and fell at a waterfall. I don’t know if it was accidental or not, but he died from the fall.

This is supposed to be a story of hope, but it is part of my story.  If I had not seen him so ill for so long I may not have accepted treatment, but I did not want to be stuck in psychosis like he was.  I think it is okay for first responders, but not sure if it will scare the general public who may be worrying about their own children.

My story is much different.  I did go in and out of psychosis for 3 years, but I have been stable since 2006.  I have not been hospitalized for 16 years.  I am married, have healthy grown children, work part time.  I still have some doubts about what was real from the past, but I can function.

 

Advice From a Dietician on Brain Health

Brain, keto, Medication, mental health, mental illness, schizoaffective, schizophrenia, , , , , , , ,
Image of highlighted brain

I zoomed with a dietician this week.  We talked about ketogenic diet and brain health, specifically schizoaffective disorder.  She gave me goals for macros and ketones.  I am having trouble just staying in the requirements of Virta, the company that is monitoring my diabetes, so she suggested following that and then make changes.

The suggestions she made was: going from 30g carb a day to 22g. And, cutback on artificial sweeteners.  Keep my protein the same, and increase fat.  She also suggested, for my particular issue, that I should have 2-3 mmol/l ketones in blood.  When I started keto, I was getting numbers in that range, but now it runs around 1.0 so she suggested adding mct oil.  She also suggested balancing the unsaturated fat I use with some monounsaturated fats.

I am trying to hit the macro targets now, but will really start in earnest in May.

I had asked my psychiatrist if he would talk with the Virta doctor and he agreed, but I don’t think he has called. I have been stable a long time, and am wary of making any medication changes. The dietician told me to work with my psychiatrist about any changes, which I would do anyhow.

I really can’t believe I have stuck with this as long as I have. I want to make it a lifestyle change but it is hard. I feel good and am thinking clearly. My main issue is that something does not agree with my gut. My fasting glucose has dropped 20 pts. Still not low enough to change my diabetes meds, but it is an improvement. I have lost about 1 lb/week, it’s not melting off, but I think it is reasonable.

I am in a medically monitored nutritional ketosis program and working with a psychiatrist for my mental illness. Please don’t try this alone.

In Our Own Voice Presentation

anxiety, bipolar, Coping skills, distorted thinking, Medication, mental health, mental illness, NAMI, psychosis, Recovery, schizoaffective, schizophrenia, stigma, Therapy, , , , , , , , , ,

Yesterday I did a presentation for NAMI Orange County on my recovery.

https://us02web.zoom.us/rec/share/8I-z9RKNONCJ958C7klIYBjCf3ZzCXs_BD743CKZD0QUzGcCtPbtjjVcYygq5hk.nKTSbzmA_Jj3DrvG


Passcode +6$T%coQ

Discombobulated Thoughts

12 step, AA, depression, mental health, mental illness, psychosis, relationships, schizophrenia, Therapy, , , , , , , , ,

I had therapy, virtual, on Wednesday.  I went over what was going on in the present.  Then my therapist started asking questions about when I was school age.  Jr high and high school were not the best years of my life.  I had a friend drop me in 8th grade to hang out with more popular friends.  I had a boyfriend in high school who was very critical and was sometimes mean.

Creative Commons girlshealth.gov

My home life was horrific. My father had an undiagnosed, but quite obvious in hindsight, mental illness and my brother had a severe psychotic disorder. He was nice, just a bit scary to me. Everything was unpredictable. My dad would be fine one day and raging the next. I could not deal with being there so I spent most of my time out, with friends, drinking alcohol or smoking weed. I was very sad, and quiet.

After answering her questions she asked for my thoughts and I said they are discombobulated.  I don’t know what to think.  So, she told me to write down my discombobulated thoughts when they come to me.  She used my own words but I don’t  what she wants.  I am going to email mon.

She gave me other homework. To write what you can gain from AA, without spirituality. That is easier for me. I belong to a secular AA Facebook group. I tried one meeting but I felt out of place and have not looked at others. I did think the accountability and recognition for time sober helped me. I have not gone to meetings lately but I am staying sober,

A thought on my higher power

12 step, AA, alcoholism, mental health, mental illness, psychosis, schizoaffective, schizophrenia, , , , , , ,

The Universe is my higher power. I am tasked with describing how the Universe can help me. I had a point where I was seeing messages everywhere. I thought my therapist was suggesting things and guiding me by controlling the media and my environment. I imagine the Universe could guide me, but how do I trust it is not a delusion

ETA: I spoke with my sponsor about my concerns. She told me to stop for now.