My government is trying to kill me and other news

I have a form of schizophrenia and people have been suggesting my fears are delusions, but some things are obviously true. I am in the USA. Our president is playing games with state governors for medical equipment and supplies. If they don’t compliment, praise him in the media so he can win votes he won’t…

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When Psychotic disorders and Pandemics Collide

I have been stable without any major psychotic symptoms for 15 years. I have not been hospitalized since 2005. This week my head is spinning. I don’t know whether the pandemic is a delusion, everyone tells me it is real, if people are playing tricks on me. I only have what I get on social…

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Virtual Dr Visit

I had a cold that slowly got better but lasted about 2 weeks, then suddenly I was really congested with cough, felt lousy and miserable. Being sick during a pandemic made me panicky. I was scared to death I was going to inadvertently cause deaths by being around anyone. Fortunately, my sister is a nurse…

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Schizoaffective Disorder

I was not sure what to choose for an “S” word, but this disorder affects my whole life. Also, most people have never heard of it. Schizoaffective is basically a combination of a thought disorder, like schizophrenia and a mood disorder, like bipolar. There is controversy about the diagnosis. It can resemble bipolar with psychotic…

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Reliable

It sounds boring and predictable, but I am reliable. If I make a commitment, I stick to it. This has not always been the case. I used to get anxious and back out of things. I was seen as flakey. I don’t like surprises. I am not spontaneous. “spontaneity has it’s time and place” –…

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Quiet

I like places that are peaceful and quiet. I would rather be alone than at a party. When I was younger, I would barely speak. They called me shy. I have social anxiety. Now, I can speak in front of groups, although I still shake, but it took a lot of work. I am typically…

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I don’t know how to do therapy

I am seeing a new therapist. I picked her because she has experience treating patients who have experienced trauma. At my first appointment, I told her at the very end of the session that I want to delve into the past because it affects me still. It took me the whole time to get up…

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D is for Dog

Raider, my walking antidepressant helps keep me sane.  He needs walks so I have to get out. He is someone to come home to until the rest of my family gets here. He follows me around, wants to be in the same room as me. He is cuddly and cute. He has his own issues…

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Ambivalence about alcohol and HAMS

I am in a stage of ambivalence about drinking. I don’t know if I want to be 100% sober, but I don’t want to have the negatives from alcohol. I did a cost benefit analysis, but still am unsure. Health-wise, mental stability-wise, employment-wise I should at least only drink in moderation. The main things I…

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Sometimes 80% understanding is enough

I have not been feeling well. Depressed and anxious, a little paranoid. I decided to go to a support group. I was hoping I would feel better, sometimes I feel worse afterwards. Lately, I have been getting agitated and frustrated during support group meetings. I am not sure why. I wasn’t sure if i should…

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