My government is trying to kill me and other news

I have a form of schizophrenia and people have been suggesting my fears are delusions, but some things are obviously true. I am in the USA. Our president is playing games with state governors for medical equipment and supplies. If they don’t compliment, praise him in the media so he can win votes he won’t…

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When Psychotic disorders and Pandemics Collide

I have been stable without any major psychotic symptoms for 15 years. I have not been hospitalized since 2005. This week my head is spinning. I don’t know whether the pandemic is a delusion, everyone tells me it is real, if people are playing tricks on me. I only have what I get on social…

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Dysfunction Junction

My father had an undiagnosed mental illness, probably bipolar, but I did not know that at the time. He was just a moody, raging, jerk. People knew but no one wants to interfere. I remember we had an uncle who was physically abusive to his kids, maybe his wife, I don’t know. Everyone knew about…

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Inner Demons

I have shame about past behavior. I am not ready to disclose to anyone. I have a therapist but am not able to tell. I won’t repeat or get in that situation again. I don’t know if any or all is related to mental illness. Probably some I lied, sometimes for no reason. I did…

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T is for tagline

What would an Orange County housewife be without a tagline. I am a Bravo TV fan and watch the housewife shows. I am having trouble coming up with anything original. There are a few quotes I like. “Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.” Camus or “Of all the things…

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Schizoaffective Disorder

I was not sure what to choose for an “S” word, but this disorder affects my whole life. Also, most people have never heard of it. Schizoaffective is basically a combination of a thought disorder, like schizophrenia and a mood disorder, like bipolar. There is controversy about the diagnosis. It can resemble bipolar with psychotic…

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Quiet

I like places that are peaceful and quiet. I would rather be alone than at a party. When I was younger, I would barely speak. They called me shy. I have social anxiety. Now, I can speak in front of groups, although I still shake, but it took a lot of work. I am typically…

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Neurotransmitters

I don’t understand them well, but neurotransmitters rule my life. Too much dopamine and I get psychotic. Too little serotonin and I am depressed. Along with others like glutamate it is a delicate balance I take medications and supplements to help restore the balance. They seem to be working. If only they did not come…

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A Doodle of How I Feel

I am not good at drawing, but I doodled a picture of how I feel.  It is me with my hands on my ears with thoughts racing a million miles a minute. Yelling Stop in my head. But, to the world around me, I seem fine.

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The Gift

I go to a support group for people with mood disorders.  Moods are part of schizoaffective disorder. The moderator likes to refer to our illness as a ‘gift’. Like we have special powers. He believes he is more creative, has deeper feelings, and I don’t know what else. He even said he would not take…

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