Tag Archives: Medication

What I Have Been Up To Lately

bipolar, Dual diagnosis, Forgiveness, hams, harm reduction, Inner demons, mental health, mental illness, moderation, NAMI, pandemic, psychosis, Recovery, relapse, schizoaffective, schizophrenia, sobriety, suicide, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I had therapy last week. I started seeing this therapist after the pandemic, so all my sessions have been virtual. I forget what she asked but I mentioned I remember mistakes from the past, 20, 30 years ago or more and they torment me. She wanted me to share but I am not comfortable with that. I feel such shame and they were mistakes that I feel are unforgivable. If I did not feel shame there would be something wrong. But, I don’t want to delve into them.

My father did not believe in mental health treatment even though schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder and bipolar run in our family. When I started therapy he discouraged it saying talking about the past just makes everyone sad. I did not understand what he meant until now.

My therapist wants me to work on forgiving myself.  I have to explain to her that some of these things are best kept hidden.

 

 

I have been able to stay alcohol free after my planned intoxication in April.  My plan is sobriety until our wedding anniversary in October.  It was pretty easy to get back to it.

 

 

I posted a link to an In Our Own Voice presentation I did for NAMI, National Alliance on Mental Illness, in a different post. I have not been speaking much lately. I saw a different program by NAMI called VOICES. It is geared towards first responders. I signed up to be a speaker, but am having trouble figuring out where to start. My initial interaction with mental healthcare and police was not until I was 39, but since mental illness runs in my family that was not foreign.

My brother had a psychotic break in college at 20 (I was 15). He refused treatment and would get picked up by the police for 72 hour observational holds in the late 70s. His is a sad story. He was severely symptomatic for 6 years when he finally was placed on a different medication that he responded well to. But, he started becoming symptomatic again, paranoid, edgy, and probably needed his medication adjusted. He went to Yosemite while symptomatic and fell at a waterfall. I don’t know if it was accidental or not, but he died from the fall.

This is supposed to be a story of hope, but it is part of my story.  If I had not seen him so ill for so long I may not have accepted treatment, but I did not want to be stuck in psychosis like he was.  I think it is okay for first responders, but not sure if it will scare the general public who may be worrying about their own children.

My story is much different.  I did go in and out of psychosis for 3 years, but I have been stable since 2006.  I have not been hospitalized for 16 years.  I am married, have healthy grown children, work part time.  I still have some doubts about what was real from the past, but I can function.

 

Advice From a Dietician on Brain Health

Brain, keto, Medication, mental health, mental illness, schizoaffective, schizophrenia, , , , , , , ,
Image of highlighted brain

I zoomed with a dietician this week.  We talked about ketogenic diet and brain health, specifically schizoaffective disorder.  She gave me goals for macros and ketones.  I am having trouble just staying in the requirements of Virta, the company that is monitoring my diabetes, so she suggested following that and then make changes.

The suggestions she made was: going from 30g carb a day to 22g. And, cutback on artificial sweeteners.  Keep my protein the same, and increase fat.  She also suggested, for my particular issue, that I should have 2-3 mmol/l ketones in blood.  When I started keto, I was getting numbers in that range, but now it runs around 1.0 so she suggested adding mct oil.  She also suggested balancing the unsaturated fat I use with some monounsaturated fats.

I am trying to hit the macro targets now, but will really start in earnest in May.

I had asked my psychiatrist if he would talk with the Virta doctor and he agreed, but I don’t think he has called. I have been stable a long time, and am wary of making any medication changes. The dietician told me to work with my psychiatrist about any changes, which I would do anyhow.

I really can’t believe I have stuck with this as long as I have. I want to make it a lifestyle change but it is hard. I feel good and am thinking clearly. My main issue is that something does not agree with my gut. My fasting glucose has dropped 20 pts. Still not low enough to change my diabetes meds, but it is an improvement. I have lost about 1 lb/week, it’s not melting off, but I think it is reasonable.

I am in a medically monitored nutritional ketosis program and working with a psychiatrist for my mental illness. Please don’t try this alone.

In Our Own Voice Presentation

anxiety, bipolar, Coping skills, distorted thinking, Medication, mental health, mental illness, NAMI, psychosis, Recovery, schizoaffective, schizophrenia, stigma, Therapy, , , , , , , , , ,

Yesterday I did a presentation for NAMI Orange County on my recovery.

https://us02web.zoom.us/rec/share/8I-z9RKNONCJ958C7klIYBjCf3ZzCXs_BD743CKZD0QUzGcCtPbtjjVcYygq5hk.nKTSbzmA_Jj3DrvG


Passcode +6$T%coQ

Medical ketosis for psychiatric illness

keto, mental health, mental illness, moderation, schizoaffective, schizophrenia, sobriety, Therapy, Weight loss, , , , , , , , , , ,
Image of highlighted brain

I have been on a ketogenic diet to treat type 2 diabetes, through a company called Virta for about 3 months. I have lost about 1 lb/week, my fasting glucose has dropped 20 pts, and I feel good.

My friend was pushing me to try the diet and now he has been pressuring me to find out information on medical ketosis for psychiatry. He says it has greatly helped his depression. My provider from Virta agreed to talk with my psychiatrist about how a keto diet can affect mental health. But, I started wondering what am I doing. I have schizoaffective disorder controlled with medication and also take medication and use coping skills for anxiety. I don’t know that I want to change anything.

My therapist coached me on how to tell my friend thanks, but I feel pressured. I am not great at setting boundaries. I took her advice and he was cool. He said it is not his business what I decide to do and he is just making suggestions.

Then, I read a post on Reddit where someone is working with a dietician from the Charlie Foundation on a keto diet for schizophrenia. They work on keto for epilepsy in children and have expanded. I emailed and they gave me info on a dietician and I made an appointment for a zoom call on Wed.

The diet I am on now is 30 g total carbs, 13 oz protein containing food and fat to satiate. I am sure the dietician will have something more precise with macro g or percentages. Right now I weigh some but estimate amounts, where I will be measuring more.

My therapist gives me homework. The last thing she gave me was to give examples on where I could be more assertive, like with my friend. And to think of things I am grateful for and proud of. I am grateful for many things. The people in my life, especially my husband and even my pushy friend. My car, dog, food, home… i could go on, but proud of had me stumped.

I work and take care of my family but there is nothing I can identify as I am really proud about. I thought some more. I am proud I have been alcohol free for 6 months and have a plan for moderation. I am proud I have been able to stick with keto 3 months and with the results.

Dysfunction Junction

bipolar, Dysfunctional, mental illness, parenting, Recovery, schizoaffective, Therapy, trauma, , , , , , , , , , ,

My father had an undiagnosed mental illness, probably bipolar, but I did not know that at the time. He was just a moody, raging, jerk. People knew but no one wants to interfere. I remember we had an uncle who was physically abusive to his kids, maybe his wife, I don’t know. Everyone knew about it but nothing was done. We are all grown with families of our own now and the perps have died.

My mother is passive and anxious. She did not want to disturb anything. She would tell us our father was just joking and he is wonderful when he would say or do hurtful things.

My dad has passed and can’t hurt me anymore. My mom and I have a strained relationship. I don’t want to put any hope into it growing into more. But, we can be amicable and she does not upset me so much.

And, I had an older brother who had a psychotic disorder, maybe schizoaffective like me, but my dad did not believe in psychiatry so the only help he got was when he got picked up by the police for observation. He would stop any meds as soon as he got home. Nothing changed. He died young at 26. I don’t know if it was an accident or suicide. He fell at a waterfall. But, I felt I had lost my brother years before, when he first got sick.

Everyone else in my family is over it all. I don’t know if I should let it go or if I could heal.

I was watching a YouTube on dysfunctional “tricky” families and childhood ptsd. https://youtu.be/EBpF8sWycQQ

I could answer yes to almost everything and a few maybe’s. He suggests working with a therapist.

I have a new therapist. I don’t know what to work on. Day to day, things are okay. I kind of went through my family history with her last time.

Or should I be done with therapy? I am pretty stable and see a psychiatrist. Things in my day to day life are fine. My past is a mess, but maybe I should just leave it there. My father discouraged me from going to therapy. “You talk about the past and it just makes people sad.” I thought he was being ignorant. Of course, it is more than that. But, did he have a point?

I plan to ask my therapist next time I see her if she thinks I even need it.

Energy

energy, , , , , ,

I wish I had more energy. I try to make the most of it when I do. Usually, I am fatigued. I have sleep apnea, which is helped by a dental appliance but I don’t feel rested in the morning. I also take a number of medications, including an antipsychotic. The ones I tried have all been sedating.

If I don’t drink coffee, I stay in bed all day. I take a medicine called provigil that is supposed to increase alertness. It helps, but not enough on its own.

Weight: you gain some, you lose some

Calories, Fitbit, mental illness, Myfitnesspal, Uncategorized, Weight gain, Weight loss, Zyprexa, ,

 

weight gain and psych meds seem to go hand in hand.  I gained 25 lbs when I started depakote.  I did an Atkins diet and lost the weight but I did not find that sustainable for me.  Zyprexa, I gained 5 lbs typing the  name, works really well at controlling mania for me, but I got fat and I did not care. Until someone asked, seriously, when was I due.

at my highest I was 198 lbs.  i tried calorie counting with my fitness pal.  It is a huge database of foods and their nutritional value. You type in what you ate and it calculates calories and nutrients,  you enter info about yourself and how much you want to lose and it tells you how many calories to eat.  There is a forum community that you can ask questions.  I lost 15 lbs, but stopped.

now, i am back. It adds the calories i burn from my fitbit steps, so i don’t feel too deprived.  I am basically eating the same foods, just smaller portions.  The badge above counts from when i started at 198 lbs.

I am not sure why the meds cause weight gain. I know I get hungry and really tired. I don’t know if they affect metabolism, too.

i have sleep apnea. I wear a specially made mouthguard and a belt that keeps me sleeping on my side. Not terrible fashionable, but I can sleep better. When I did not have it I was always tired. Now, i am able to work a few hours and walk my dog.

Weight loss is not easy, especially on these medications. I went from obese to overweight. My goal is a normal bmi.