Mental Health Conference

i went to a conference today. There were 32 workshops.. the first i went to was on Borderline Personality Disorder. It was very informative and i learned a lot.  The next was on support groups, that was good. There were a number of organizations represented. the last one i went to was “ask the doctors”…

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You May Not Be a Match

I was removed from the bone marrow registry when I updated my health information. They sent me an email saying they have volunteers and it was a safety issue. I didn’t think about it until someone mentioned they were turned down to donate blood because they have schizophrenia. It is not the medications we take…

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The Abyss

I won’t pretend to know what Nietzsche meant by “the abyss gazes into you”. The quote came to mind as I feel like I am at the edge of an abyss, gazing into the void. I feel empty. I am ashamed of who I am. If people knew who I really am they would turn…

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Hypocrite much?

  I feel like a sham i tell people coping skills, but I have trouble doing them myself. My therapist told me to try mindfulness. I know what it is. I recommend it. But, my mind spins so much,  i can’t be “mindful” i have trouble breathing, cbt is out the window, i can’t seem…

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Sometimes 80% understanding is enough

I have not been feeling well. Depressed and anxious, a little paranoid. I decided to go to a support group. I was hoping I would feel better, sometimes I feel worse afterwards. Lately, I have been getting agitated and frustrated during support group meetings. I am not sure why. I wasn’t sure if i should…

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Depression sucks

I don’t know if anyone else is like this, but I have trouble knowing how I feel.  I knew I was miserable and anxious, but until my therapist said I was depressed I did not notice.  Someone was trying to help me and asked what I get up for and my immediate response was “obligations”.…

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The results are in

I had Raider’s DNA tested through @embarkvet .  He is: 32.5% Poodle (Small) 14.9% Cocker Spaniel 11.8% German Shepherd Dog 9.2% Chow Chow 6.0% Pekingese 25.6% Supermutt * *What’s in that Supermutt? There may be small amounts of DNA from these distant ancestors: Boxer Golden Retriever Samoyed Shih Tzu You can see more here: EMBK.ME/RAIDER2 (I…

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There is no need to fear me

  Yes, I have a mental illness. A scary kind that starts with schiz…. But, I am not and never have been violent.  I am more likely to be the victim of a crime than the perpetrator. I am enough of a suicide risk, by that label alone, that I can not purchase life insurance. …

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The Gift

I go to a support group for people with mood disorders.  Moods are part of schizoaffective disorder. The moderator likes to refer to our illness as a ‘gift’. Like we have special powers. He believes he is more creative, has deeper feelings, and I don’t know what else. He even said he would not take…

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Dealing with Anxiety

I am suffering with constant anxiety. My stomach feels queasy and I am having trouble with shallow breathing. I just started a new job and I think that is the issue. i am hoping once I settle in, it will stop. My therapist suggested more exercise and mindfulness. My pdoc said to push through it,…

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