Category Archives: Uncategorized

Communication Breakdown?

Uncategorized

 

dispute

Continuing from the last blog, I went through my hurt feelings and emotions looking at things in pieces so I wouldn’t get overwhelmed. What it came down to is that my husband is spread so thin (he does a lot around the house, at work, for the kids’ activities) that he doesn’t have time to know who I am anymore.

He agreed to couples counseling.  I am afraid we might unearth some deep problems that I don’t know about, just because i have that type of fear. I don’t know where to start as far as finding a therapist. Do I throw darts at my insurance directory? I have been asking around for recommendations. I have one, but I don’t think he takes my insurance.

Sorting Emotions

Uncategorized

First published Psych Central

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/triple-winner/2017/04/sorting-emotions/

 

folded laundry Image01

It started with my husband bringing me a drink at a party. He didn’t believe I had stopped drinking. He thought it was a nice gesture, and was encouraging me to at least taste it. I may have given in, but my son was there telling me not to drink. I talk, blog, about sobriety, go to meetings and he doesn’t believe me or notice. It made me sad.

The next day my husband was in a bad mood. Who knows why? He was grumpy, moody and wanted to be left alone. My automatic thoughts go to “Something is wrong and it’s my fault” “I’m no good” and I start guessing what could be wrong.

Was it the chores? I did random chores. Was he upset about having to make flight reservations? I took care of that.

Finally, I give up and decide to just ask. “You seem upset, is something bothering you?” He said no he was just in a bad mood. I was able to pause from feeling like a child and act like an adult.

I walked in my therapist’s office overwhelmed with negative thoughts and emotions. I had left a disagreement with a peaceful resolution, but hurt feelings. Feelings I didn’t know what to do with.

When I mentioned I had this pile of “stuff” to my therapist he said to think of it as a basket of laundry, not one of my favorite things. Then to deal with each “item” that is bothering me, one at a time. Compartmentalizing for the disorganized, perhaps.

I felt like he had been reading my mail, but maybe there are only so many metaphors. I have a problem with making associations between things that really aren’t related, due to my mental illness. This was similar to something I say in one of my talks, but it is just coincidence.

When I first was home from the hospital I was, fragile and would get overwhelmed easily. I couldn’t keep up with the laundry. I would clean it, but I would have a big pile of clean clothes that needed to be folded and put away. I would look at it and cry, it was too much.

I told a friend and he said, “Do smaller loads.” Which sounds simplistic but it made it manageable and now I do that with other tasks. I break them down into pieces. Otherwise, I freeze and nothing gets done.

So, I understand the concept, now to put it into action.

Edit: I will continue in next blog

 

Does This Blog Need a New Title?

blog, help, name, poll, Uncategorized, writing, , , ,

name

 

I picked something quick to get started but I am wondering if it is boring.

I could use one of the ending lines form one of my blog posts:

Stronger than you think

Putting it into action

Working on it

or something completely different

Any thoughts?

Finding Support for Mental Illness and Alcoholism

AA, alcoholism, mental illness, Recovery, support, Uncategorized, , , ,

beachvacation

 

Originally published on Psych Central
https://blogs.psychcentral.com/triple-winner/2017/03/finding-support-for-mental-illness-and-alcoholism/

It can be hard dealing with a mental illness and/or alcoholism without support from a loved one. Perhaps, they don’t recognize it as a real problem. They may be frightened or not comprehend what is happening. Sometimes, partners may even try to sabotage your recovery.

There could be any number of reasons why you could use some outside help.

Friends and family can be of assistance, but oftentimes they don’t understand.

One way of getting help is to go to support groups. There are national organizations for many types of mental illnesses, addictions or co-occurring disorders. AA has sponsors (I have never had one). You can also make friends and have someone to contact if you are having a rough time.

There is something about peer support, and being with others who have been there, that is special. I remember the first time I went to a (DBSA), Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance, meeting. I was frustrated because I couldn’t find anything that sounded like me in the textbooks. Then, I met people I could relate to at the meeting. I had found “my people”. Now, I choose to work as a peer mentor because I believe in the power of peer support.

Professional help is good, too, though, not as readily available. I call my therapist when I am not doing well mentally.

You can turn to the internet. There are all types of message boards and chat rooms where you can go for support. You can meet people from all over the world to share experiences with.

Social media is a way of meeting people and blogging is a way to be heard.

They aren’t very common, but there are clubhouses or activity centers for people with mental illnesses. I work at one such center. We have all kinds of activities: gardening, art, music and a lot of different groups. It is a nice place to meet others and be supported.

Volunteering and helping others can help you, too. It can be rewarding and if you work with people with similar issues you may learn new resources or coping skills.

The main source of support you will find is within yourself. You will be the one to resist temptations and cravings. You will be the one to act on warning signs and develop coping skills.

When you are on your way in recovery, you may find you are stronger than you know.

Photo courtesy Max Pixel
http://maxpixel.freegreatpicture.com/Nature-Ocean-Beach-Thinking-Pensive-Waves-1927359

A pause from automatic thinking

CBT, DBT, distorted thinking, relationships, Uncategorized, , ,

My husband was grumpy and moody over the weekend. I automatically go to being a frightened child thinking I did something wrong and am 100% to blame. That I am guilty and have to fix things.

I started assuming what could be wrong. I thought maybe he was resentful about housework, so I took care of some chores. As time went on, I wondered how to talk with him.

I didn’t want to be confrontational. When I asked if he was mad he would deflect it with a joke.

Finally, when we both had free time in the evening i asked to speak with him. He seemed like he was ready to defend himself. But, I just said “You seem unhappy. Is something bothering you?” I did it! I could talk like an adult and not cower down.

He says he is just a grumpy old man and not unhappy. Nothing is bothering him. He seems sincere.

So, presto, problem solved- I guess. I was worrying about nothing it seems.

The Stigma of Co-Occurring Disorders

alcoholism, anxiety, Co-occurring, Dual diagnosis, mental illness, Recovery, schizoaffective, stigma, Uncategorized, , , , , ,

In my opinion, this is my best yet 🙂

Originally published on Psych Central
https://blogs.psychcentral.com/triple-winner/2017/03/the-stigma-of-co-occurring-disorders/

There is a great deal of stigma attached with both mental illnesses and addictions. That is one reason I talk about my experiences. So, others won’t feel alone, and, to put a face to these conditions. It is scary to get a diagnosis of a life-long mental health condition that all you have heard are extreme negatives. People can lose hope. And, people fear what they don’t know.

I also have shame, or self-stigma. I have worked on accepting the schizoaffective diagnosis and at this point am okay. There was a time when I felt, less than, because of the severe symptoms. Now, I know I could not control what happened in the past, and just work on staying stable.

Social anxiety is something I contend with daily, and I cannot seem to prepare enough. I don’t know if I can ever accept how limiting it is for me. There are some things, like volunteering at my children’s school events, that are just too busy for me. I cannot enjoy shopping or parties, I just want an exit. I have worked very hard on this and work with people now and even do public speaking, but it is difficult.

The alcohol addiction label is new to me. In the program I am doing, SMART Recovery, they don’t give labels. But, I need to call it something. The drinking is not new, just the acknowledgement.

There are choices of programs for changing addictive behaviors. Some people work more than one at a time. This was just one that seems to fit my philosophy. It uses cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) principles and I already learned some of those for my anxiety.

I haven’t had serious consequences from drinking. No DUIs or jail time, No relationship problems. But, I drink more than I would like to and it is hard for me to abstain completely.

When I started this blog, I decided I would like to write about the alcohol component along with the mental illness. So many of us have co-occurring disorders. I was excited, and then, I paused. What will people I know think when they see ‘alcoholic’?

Then I giggled. First, because I can’t decide which is the lesser of 2 stigmas (it doesn’t matter). And then, because they all have seen me drink. It isn’t really a surprise.

The secret is that I am working on it.

Info on SMART Recovery
http://www.smartrecovery.org/

Info on Alcoholics Anonymous (AA)
http://www.aa.org/

Its Still Okay

Challenge, Nominate, Okay, Uncategorized, writing, , ,

https://itsphblog.wordpress.com/2015/12/10/its-still-okay/

unbolt.me choose your challenge

Choose Your Challenge!

#ItsStillOkay challenge

Here are the rules:
1. Copy the logo and description
2. Write your perspective for #ItsStillOkay
3. Spread the challenge by keeping open nomination or by nominating at-least five fellow bloggers.

I don’t know who to nominate, but feel free to nominate yourself

The man had been cold and cruel, yet everyone spoke well of him. Even after all that is now known it seems #itsstillokay

Symbiosis- Daily Prompt

Bloggingfundamentals, Daily prompt, life lessons, relationships, Symbiosis, Uncategorized, , ,

Symbiosis

image
When I read the word, my first thought was ‘lichen’, the part fungus, part algae that grows on rocks, i knew they were somehow interdependent. But, when I actually investigated (googled) I found the word means a relationship between organisms that live closely together. So yes lichen, but, much more.

Dependence on each other in a relationship has been coined “symbiotic love”. This is natural at first, when you gaze into each other’s eyes and share yiur similarities. But, you don’t want to lose yourself.

It can be cute and sweet when couple’s know each other so well they can finsh each other’s sentences, or it can be frightening that they aren’t individuals anymore.

Mutualism is another type of symbiotic relationship. Is this type each gain, but they aren’t dependent on each other. Clown fish snd sea anemones have a mutualistic relationship. They help each other and live close together, but are seperate

Be a clown fish, not a lichen!

image

Trusting Your Moods With Schizoaffective Disorder

bipolar, Coping skills, life lessons, schizoaffective, Uncategorized, , , , ,

youth-570881_1280

First published Psych Central

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/triple-winner/2017/03/trusting-your-moods-with-schizoaffective-disorder/

I have a thought and mood disorder called schizoaffective disorder. It is similar to bipolar disorder, in that I have mood swings with periods of mania and depression.

When I was treated for my first severe manic episode I was heavily sedated and slowly titrated down on the medications. When I got to a dosage where I was no longer sedated, and my symptoms were under control, I started to feel okay, good even.

 

It scared me. “Would I feel too good?” I voiced my concerns to my psychiatrist and he reminded me I usually have other symptoms that precede mania. I think most people do.

You could go through a list of symptoms and see which ones are typical for you that would be noticeable.

Do you spend a lot of money?

Are you impulsive?

Do you talk fast?

Do you start lots of projects?

A lot of people monitor their sleep. I often have trouble with insomnia, so that isn’t a particularly good indicator for me. One thing is that I get irritable. I am usually pretty mellow, so if I start snapping at people that is a good sign that something is off. My psychiatrist also told me if people are looking at me strangely that is a warning sign. I am not sure if he meant I do strange things or I get paranoid, which I do, and get suspicious.

Isn’t everyone entitled to an off day, though? Sometimes when I am upset at someone, it is for a good reason. A lot of people imagine others think poorly of them, once in a while.

It would help to have someone I trust, tell me if I didn’t seem right. I have trouble with trust, though, when I am symptomatic. I think everyone else has the problem and I am fine. I am working on that, because I know it is important. Otherwise, you can have a great list of warning signs, but deny them. “I’m not talking fast, you are just listening slowly”.

Once you notice these warning signs, what do you do? That is a million dollar question.

This is where it is best to consult with your doctor and find out when they want you to contact them.

It is good to catch things early, but you don’t want to be worrying every time you have a bad, or good, day.

Reaching One Person

bipolar, disclosure, mental illness, stigma, Uncategorized, , ,

I feel that if I can help one person by sharing my story it has been worthwhile.

I made this video for “Mental Health Justice” (not my best look) and got the most amazing reply. I am withholding the author’s name for privacy. I really have no idea what I could have said that helped, I am just glad it did.

So, if you are fighting stigma and wondering if it is worth it, it is. Not everyone is vocal, but they are there.

 

 

” This video was not only captivating, but utterly breath taking. I am currently and always have been at war with my Bipolar. Recently however has been an exceptionally difficult period of psychosis. Paranoia as well as hallucinations have ran ramped in my skull in between medications. I felt oh so alone. This video, this God sent video helped to dramatically break the psychosis due to the idea my disease has breed other victims. So, thank you to the existence of pages such as this. It probably saved my life.”