I hope it is easy to find lorib.blog, or lorib434.wordpress.com
i have been blogging, more like journaling for years, but not for an audience. I have published on The Mighty, recently started posting on Medium and published on Psych Central. The title there is Triple Winner (archived)
I have a diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder and social anxiety, along with overcoming an alcohol addiction. I plan to blog about those topics and other ramblings.
I have been working in mental health peer support. They recently brought certification to CA. I am glad we have standards and training. I did 80 hr training and am taking certification exam tomorrow. I think I am ready but I am nervous. I am going to a testing site. It is 2.5 hours. I think I will know right away if I pass.
I have been working part time. Lately 16 hr/week. I receive SSDI disability and have not earned enough to go over the limit. I recently accepted an offer for full time work. I am anxious that I won’t have the energy or it won’t work out for some reason. I will lose ssdi the first month because I will go over limit. Social security provides work incentives but I have used them all. The only one left is expedited reinstatement. After I lose disability pay I can apply and they expedite that. Hopefully, everything goes well and it is an unnecessary concern.
The job is peer support in housing. The clients have housing vouchers and we work as a team to get them in and keep them housed. The people I have met so far are nice. I start in May. There is a ton of onboarding: fingerprinting, physical, paperwork . I have to get a second tb test this week and get car inspected. Then I think I am ready. I am going on vacation at end of April and then start.
I am trying to get back on keto but I struggle. I live with husband and daughter and there are carby foods here that tempt me. I am going to sit down later this week and really think about what I want. I am doing keto to control diabetes but there are other avenues. My dr added rybelsus which is an oral semaglutide. I am losing really slowly at maximum dose. It does help me pause before impulsively eating. My glucose is better.
Image: cartoon of several people sitting in chairs. Group therapy.
I have several chronic conditions: mental health, type 2 diabetes, sleep apnea, hypothyroidism, hypertension. I am on 9 medications. I was wondering if there is any type of holistic treatment that could help, and searched different terms in my insurance directory. I came upon a mental health facility that is holistic and integrative. They have a nutritionist on staff. It wasn’t exactly what I was thinking but it looked helpful.
I saw the psychiatrist and he is a bit different but I like him. He changed my diagnosis from schizoaffective to major depressive disorder and anxiety. He seems sure I was misdiagnosed. He decreased my antipsychotic, I am on a baby dose that is more of an adjunct for depression, so far, so good. I
Image: Stethoscope with words Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation
They do a type of Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation called MeRT. It took a couple of months but my insurance finally approved it. I had an EEG yesterday. They use the EEG to determine how to apply magnetic therapy. I may start as soon as tomorrow morning.
The therapy helps bring your brain waves to calm, alert alpha waves. You can get there through coping tools like mindfulness and meditation but this works much faster. I have had anxiety Al, of my life and it impacts me daily. I am really hoping this will help. I use a lot of stress reduction techniques and have been trying to expose myself to things I fear.
I spent 5 weeks in Partial hospitalization all day M-F. Now I am in intensive outpatient 8:15-11:45 M-F. The next step down is 3 days/week, then I am done but will come in for MeRT. I think the routine and structure help. I am learning a lot. You can’t drink alcohol while during MeRT. It is M-F daily and 36 sessions total.
You come up with a daily schedule but I have trouble sticking with it once I get home. I was supposed to come up with a meal plan but I don’t know how. I eat, mostly low carb, but I don’t really plan my meals. I keep snacks on hand and my husband usually makes dinner.
My fasting glucose does not match my A1C. My A1C is normal. I am trying a continuous glucose monitor. I like it but it show high readings, too. My dr thinks donating blood gives me a false low A1C so I am having another blood test in a few months and not donating. I am thinking of volunteering for the Red Cross at the donor center, but I am having trouble hearing. I am getting the wax cleaned out of my ears soon and try to get on a schedule so my hearing aids can work.
Methylation risk variant results MTHFR, CBS, COMT, MTR and MTRR
I had a DNA test done through ancestry. I sent the results to Life DNA and got some information. They had an offer on methylation genes so I had that analyzed. Out of 10 genes, 7 had risk variants. The variants are not unusual.
Some of them lead to an increase in homocysteine which when increased can be a heart attack risk. I have started taking L Methyl folate to help. Another interferes with vitamin d. I asked my Dr and she ordered homocysteine and vitamin d blood tests. I take fish oil + vitamin d but it my not be enough.
Another variant causes reduced COMT enzyme activity. This can cause psychiatric issues. I am going to ask my psychiatrist about it. They recommend Sam-e supplementation.
I watched a video on Hashimotos thyroiditis. It was about inflammation but you have to pay to get more info. I have hypothyroid. My Dr did no further testing, just TSH. I take synthroid and now TSH is normal.
I am trying to find out about inflammation. I know alcohol is inflammatory so that is a good reason to cut that back or out. I think I am going to have an extended alcohol free period soon.
I told my brother I was making bone broth in a crockpot. The recipe I follow takes 12 hours. He said it is much faster in an Instant Pot. When I told him I don’t have one he ordered one shipped to me. I am very thankful.
It is really simple. I used 3 can coconut milk 2 T gelatin and a vegan yogurt starter culture from Cultures for Health. It is single use. I mixed the gelatin in a small bowl with some coconut milk and let sit 3 min before adding to inner bowl with the rest of coconut milk. I added starter and whisked to blend then put on lid, chose yogurt setting, set timer for 24 hours. It started counting up from 0. I just let it go, I opened up early, after 20 hours. It was liquid so I transferred to little glass containers and mixed 1 T chia seeds to each. I placed in fridge and after several hours it thickened. It has a tart taste and is creamy. I don’t know if it really needs the chia seeds but I like them.
Image: 2 containers of coconut milk yogurt with chia seeds
Next I will make beef bone broth. That takes about 3 hours in Instant Pot. It is easy to clean, too. I wiped off inside of lid. My brother told me to wash the silicone ring and dry so I did that, the inner pot is dishwasher safe.
I have not been sleeping well. It has been ongoing, but I think it is getting worse. I am exhausted but not able to sleep. I don’t get a lot done during the day because I am so tired. And, since I am awake I go online, which I am sure does not help. I start looking at ideas for new projects. I am fermenting vegetables so now I am thinking of planting a vegetable garden in my backyard. But, I have no idea where to begin. So, I surf the web looking for information on that, instead of relaxing,
My psychiatrist prescribed a medicine, trazodone, for sleep. It is not helping too much. I asked if it interacted with supplements, like melatonin, and my dr said it would be okay for me so I am going to take both tonight.
I have projects stacking up, but the fermenting is taking off. My pickles turned out good. I set up a second batch with a different type of cucumber. I know you use pickling cucumbers but I can’t find anything with that name. I have sauerkraut and kimchi that should be done in a week. I just set up beets to make kvass. The kimchi tasted good fresh. That is a short ferment, 8 days.
Image of fermenting vegetables in jars
I see my new therapist for second appointment tomorrow. The insurance said pending and I was worried they would deny it, but it was eventually approved. I don’t really know what to talk about except the lack of sleep.
I have been putting off trying to learn to crochet. I have a kit that has a YouTube video but I don’t get it. I looked at wiki how but it confuses me. I have not put much effort into it. I guess I could bring the Internal Family Systems workbook to therapy. I did not know where to start but maybe she will have suggestions.
Image: mason jars with fermenting sauerkraut and pickles
My friend ferments pickles and sauerkraut. He gave me the directions so I set some up. It is pretty simple. Sauerkraut is cabbage and salt. I added some carrots and ginger for flavor. Pickles are salt water and some spices. I watched videos on YouTube and joined a Facebook group for beginning fermenters. There is some conflicting information, so I am going with the fermenting group for advice.
Fermented foods are great for your gut. I thought I would just do these 2 foods, but I have been reading more and interested in adding more. I am going to set up kimchi next. I have the spices just need produce. There is a Korean market near here. Then I might try Kombucha. That is a different type of ferment and for parts you are supposed to put in dark, I think I could cover with a cloth. I have cabinets but I worry about leaking or exploding jars.
I have not made coconut milk yogurt in a long time. Recipe here Coconut milk yogurt Chia pudding is so simple but does not have the probiotics. I am planning to get some going soon. I put away the yogurt maker so I will have to pull it out.
My husband does not understand this hobby. I have not spent too much on it. I have 3 2 qt mason jars. I just bought some lids that exchange gas. Right now I just unscrew a little each day, but they are not producing a lot of gas. Just some bubbles.
I tried a pickle today. It has only been 4 days. It was crunchy but pretty bland. I am not sure I bought the right cucumbers. You need pickling cucumbers, I bought a bag that just said small cucumbers. I am going to let them go for a couple of weeks. I tasted the sauerkraut at the beginning and it was really salty. I am not sure if I made a mistake or if it always starts that way. I am letting that go for 3 weeks.
I have a number of projects that I have trouble completing.
I am interested in internal family systems therapy. I have a book and workbook to use on your own but I have trouble getting started. I have an appointment with a new therapist in Jan and hope she can help.
I am in the process of reading Brain Energy about how mental illnesses are metabolic disorders. I skimmed through looking for explicit directions for how to deal with anxiety and schizoaffective disorder. He talks a lot about keto but I like to have targets for macros and he does not get specific or I missed it.
I got an activity journal that looks fun but I have only glanced at it.
My cousin, @AnnSloan, wrote a book called Suffer, that I have on kindle waiting to be read
I have a gratitude journal by @matthiasjbarker (pictured) that I just started today. It has prompts for everyday for 6 weeks. He also has a motivational zoom I signed up for. Maybe I can get some sense of priority with these projects and a timeline.
I started keto last month. I slipped a little eating some more carbs than I should. I have type 2 diabetes and keto really helps me with glucose control. My sugars went higher than normal and I am having trouble getting to a level I would like. I have not lost weight but I lose slowly usually.
I had a scare where my blood pressure was high at a Dr , not PCP. I tested at home and it was high on several days. I contacted PCP and she said to decrease salt and exercise more. Still high. I went for office visit and she read bp manually. It was normal. She thinks for some reason the automatic readers don’t pick it up right on me. I can go for manual checks if I need. I am a little confused about sodium. Usually you increase it with keto but my Dr wants me to stay to below around 2 g. I had been drinking bullion but I stopped. Grateful my BP is normal.
My sleep had not been well. It is improving. I can get 6-7 hours straight, the problem is it is shifted. I don’t fall asleep until about 3 am and am tired during the day. I cut back on caffeine and my psychiatrist reduced my medication. It is easier to stay asleep with the cooler weather.
Whoops..I’m Awesome workbook by Melissa Villasenor
I saw my current therapist telehealth last week. He moved me back to as needed. He seems to think I am fine but I don’t feel that way. I am on a waiting list for a new therapist who does internal family systems therapy. I don’t know how long that will take.
I stopped keto last year when the Virta program stopped because my insurance changed. I have since gained some weight and don’t feel as well. I am going to try doing keto on my own, after Thanksgiving. I am going to try an app called Healthi that helps count calories, carbs or what they call bites that are like WW points. I did not do well on WW but I did not stick with logging food.
I have been making chia pudding with coconut milk instead of yogurt. So much easier but you don’t get the probiotics. I have been eating fruit which I will miss when I go back to keto, I can still have some berries.
I watched a webinar with Dr Christopher Palmer about keto and mental health, he uses it for treatment resistant patients. My meds work well, but it can’t hurt to add it. He has a book releasing tomorrow, called “Brain Energy” I am going to get the kindle version. Hopefully, it motivates me for when I start keto.
I used to love to read. Now, I have a bunch of things on kindle but I don’t read often. I think I need to put it on my to do list. I got a journal called “Whoops…I’m Awesome” by Melissa Villasenor. It has activities and stories. I have not done anything with it yet but it looks fun.
Image: Workbook titled Self-Therapy Workbook by Bonnie J Weiss
I am reading a book, self-therapy by Jay Early. I also have the workbook pictured above that I will get to next.
I have some sort of dissociative disorder, not DID. I have experienced sensations and parts talking through me, but that was years ago. Some people think it is all delusional. I have a diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder.
I am reading the book on internal family systems. The author suggests everyone has sub personalities that they can access. I was skeptical. My stomach tightens while I am reading. The author encourages noticing thoughts, feelings, sensations
I know I have a loud inner critic, like a drill sergeant, telling me not to mess up. If I make a mistake I feel like a complete failure and my mood spirals downward. I am trying to think of him like a motivator. I think the purpose is to make me more productive, but it is not working for me. I feel something constricting my stomach. I am not sure why.
I don’t know if these parts are real distinct sub personalities, but if it helps I will use it as a tool. my therapist says it is a different perspective.
My therapist pushed my appointments further apart because I run out of things to say. In May he moved me to as needed, that I can call if I need an appointment. I told him about the workbook. He does internal family systems therapy with clients with dissociative disorders. I wanted to set up an appointment to work on this but he told me to see how it goes and then if I need I can make an appointment to contact him.
I feel like the therapist is blowing me off. I feel better checking in with someone at least once/month. I found a different therapist who seems nice and willing to work with me. She knows of this therapy but does not practice. I have an appointment with her on Saturday.
I just realized I never gave an update on my Covid experience. After 19 days of isolating, I finally tested negative and was feeling better. I had given a month’s notice at work, but I was out for 3 weeks. I only worked 2 days/week, so I went back for my final 2 days. They quickly improvised and had people sign a card and ordered cupcakes. It was nice.
I am not sure what I want to do with my time, now. I have been going to an activity center that I used to work at, as a member now, and participate in a group. It is a course that ends in 2 weeks. I think I will continue going to one or two groups/week after it ends. I give talks for NAMI, National alliance on mental illness. I did one over zoom and they played it on the tv at the center.
I do want to do other volunteer work, but I don’t want to commute or commit too much time. I have some opportunities already. I stopped working mainly because I was having trouble hearing. I got hearing aids at the beginning of the year but it has been hard to adjust, I am having another hearing test and they will clean the hearing aids in November. I want to get to where I can hear well, before I commit to any type of peer support.
I like playing little computer games. I finally tried wordle and I think it is fun. I usually can get the word but it takes a number of guesses. I find it relaxing.
About a month after I got over Covid my husband and daughter caught it. My husband travels and I think he must have caught it at a conference. My daughter is super careful, but she still caught it. She felt pretty lousy, lost taste and smell. She isolated for 10 days. My husband did pretty well, he took Paxlovid with no rebound. He was better in 5 days.
I have given up on making the coconut milk yogurt for now. I am making chia pudding with coconut milk instead. It tastes pretty good. I add fruit and granola.it is really easy to make. I have a recipe for a small volume but I make more. If anyone is interested I will post the recipe. You can use other types of milk.
I saw a video on internal family systems therapy. It looked interesting. I don’t know if I would be able to connect with other parts of myself. I searched for a therapist and found one but she does not work at the company anymore. They recommended a few other therapists. I don’t think the woman on the phone understood what I was asking for. I have a zoom appointment with a therapist on Saturday. She is on my insurance plan. I like the therapist I had/have?, but he only wants to see me as needed and I think I would feel more comfortable seeing someone on a regular basis. I can’t find much on the new therapist through google. Just on the company’s website.
I had an issue finding a psychiatrist my insurance would cover. I saw one who I liked, but I they first denied the claim and eventually changed to covering. I saw a different psychiatrist in the same office. I had a bad experience the first appointment. The next appointment was better. But, I found the other psychiatrist is in network now, so I switched back. I go in November. He does therapy, too, so that could be an option and I always have the one, as needed. I think he will retire soon, also,
Stronger Than You Think 