The first is a calming essential oil, like lavender. I don’t like that so I got chamomile and an inhaler. I was skeptical but I enjoy the scent.
The next was a photo of a safe scene.it could be a place in nature, whatever you feel is safe. I took a picture of my bedroom with my dog. That is my safe place.
Music. Something relaxing like rainfall or ocean waves. I found some nature sounds on YouTube.
Fabric, an item that is soft to hold. I bought a fuzzy sock at the dollar store.
Lemon drops or sour candy
Some other things he recommended:
Box breathing (inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, exhale fir 4 seconds).
Exercise
Watch a funny show
Take a shower
Throwing something safe, like modeling clay
I told him I did not think I would do the throwing, but he encouraged me to try them all. I bought clay but have not tried throwing it yet.
When I told him I have trouble getting in the shower. I don’t like to get cold. He asked if anything had happened in a bathroom or shower. I did not go into details but told him yes, when I was 8 years old. He told me to have all the coping tools and journal from the perspective of an 8 year old. I don’t know how to do that, so I journaled what I remember. I think the tools helped me stay calm. I don’t believe that has to do with me having trouble with showers, though.
My health insurance changed at the beginning of this year. I have been dealing with the insurance company. Monday it was impossible to get through. Tuesday I was able to chat and call and get most questions answered, I thought. My primary care physician is the same and she can refer me to any specialists. I see an endocrinologist, a sleep disorder pulmonologist, and a specialist dentist who monitors an oral appliance I wear for sleep apnea. But, I need a new psychiatrist and therapist.
I filled out a form for continuation of care with my current psychiatrist hoping I could at least get my meds refilled before I switch. Up until Monday, I thought he was covered, but he isn’t in my IPA, whatever that is, I thought it was a beer. I found a psychologist and had an appointment on Wednesday. He suggested calling my insurance to ask about a psychiatrist and to double check, he, the psychologist, is covered.
The problem is, this insurance covers medical and behavioral health, but they are different departments and don’t seem to communicate. The first person I called said anyone I see has to be in the medical group, which limits me to 4 psychiatrists to choose from and does not include the psychologist. Then, I contacted behavioral health who said the psychologist is covered, it says in network. I was getting conflicting info so I texted and it took all day but I got confirmation that behavioral health is not required to be in the medical group and does not need referrals but medical care does. I screen shot the text in case there are problems.
So, I looked at the list of psychiatrists and called one who seems to have a lot of experience. I found out she is the medical director and I will be treated by a psychiatric nurse practitioner. I am a little uneasy since I have a complex disorder ( schizoaffective disorder). I am stable now and just need medication management. I made an appointment but checked out some of the other psychiatrists. I found another that sounds good that I will call Monday. I am not sure if it will be the same.
Also, I have been taking a medication called modafinil for excessive daytime sleepiness due to sleep apnea even with the appliance. The insurance rejected the order. my dr is trying to get it for me. I am completely out and so so sleepy.
The therapy appointment went well. I told him I feel shame about past mistakes and have trouble forgiving myself. He asked if I would forgive someone else and I said yes. Why the different standard? I first said “I don’t know “ which I learned he does not accept as an answer, so I reflected on it and decided I should be able to forgive myself, but I still don’t know how. Baby steps?
Then I told him I get uneasy sometimes at work when there is a lot of noise and commotion even though I am not directly effected. Or if my husband raises his voice at home. He told me to journal when I feel uneasy. I have not had to deal with loud noises lately, but dealing with all of this insurance stuff gets me worked up. I want to drink to calm down, but I also want to stay sober. So far, sobriety is winning. I have a blood test in February and I am hoping for good results. We agreed to monthly appointments since I am stable.
Did I mention I got my hearing aids.? They work well. A little bit of trouble getting tangled in my mask. They have blue tooth capability and I have them connected to my phone. I am slowly learning how to disconnect if I want to use my phone or I hear nothing. And, I get notifications through the hearing aids. I go back to the audiologist for follow up soon. Sometimes it seems like only one is working and I don’t know if I am doing something.
Hanukkah flew by here with little fanfare. We celebrated the last night at my mother-in-law’s house. Food was great. We lit candles and exchanged gifts. I have been trying to lose weight, stalled at the moment. I received clothes in a smaller size than usual and they fit 🙂 .
We have our little artificial tree up for Christmas. My daughter decorated last night
Image small Christmas tree, stockings and dog
The hearing aids are now ordered. The audiologist said there is a big difference between basic and premium so I am purchasing the premium. They are supposed to be better at cutting down on background noise. They should come in soon and then I will get fitted. I am excited to. Be able to hear better.
Today is my husband’s birthday. He is working tonight. We may celebrate Friday. We don’t usually do big celebrations but we may go out to dinner.
The stock was bought back before they received my paperwork. I will still get the replacement certificate but will need to go through a broker to sell. I have no clue how that works or where to go, I want something inexpensive since it is just one transaction. I contacted the company but they are not purchasing more.
Image: Yorkie with words you just won a free pet portrait from I’ll shoot your pets a $250 value!
I was at a Halloween event at Hala’s Paws pet store in Mission Viejo, CA. I entered raffles and won 2 prizes. A Target gift card and a photo shoot of my dog by I’ll Shoot Your Pets located in Temecula, CA. They came over to my house to take pictures bringing a toy and treats to get his attention. Raider was pretty cooperative, but grew restless by the end. He was laying on the couch so the photographer took pictures of him there. The pictures turned out great. I had the choice of a large canvas photo, 3 8×10 prints or a ceramic mug. I have a large picture my niece made with pastel on wood, so I opted for the 8x10s. Here is the link to the photos.
I own a small amount of shares from a company I used to work at in the 1990s. I received a package in the mail of documents that they want to buy the shares back. I want to sell. The only thing is I misplaced the certificate and it is over $100 to replace it. Then I can sell and make a small profit. My friend says it does not sound legitimate. The company is definitely buying the stocks back. He just thinks I should be able to do it all electronically. I have never sold stock or tried to replace a certificate. I have the holdings statement. I am going to look through our files this weekend and try to find the certificate.
The hearing aids are in limbo, my primary dr got them authorized but it is not with the right company, so they are working to get that straightened out. I will have them by the end of the year. I just don’t know when. They can’t order without the insurance authorization so for now I am just waiting.
I am going on a walk for NAMI Orange County, CA tomorrow. I am bringing a friend and will see people I know there. I have a fundraiser on Facebook and the Nami walks website. I have met my goal and will add to my collection of T-shirts.
The position I applied to transfer to changed from full time to per diem weekends so I withdrew. I will keep my eyes open. Fortunately, I like what I am doing now. When I told my friend I was anxious just deciding if I should apply he said “ don’t suffer twice”. I wish I knew how to turn off precipitatory anxiety. Now, I can relax.
I have been stable for 15 years, but I have really decreased stress in my life. I find that when stress increases my symptoms can increase. I did not work for a few years after diagnosis. Then, I volunteered part time for years. I have been working part time for 6 years and I am doing well.
I found out about an open position at my work. It is higher pay, but more responsibility and full time. I put in a request to transfer and am waiting for an interview. I have no offer yet, but I am starting to worry if I am doing the right thing. (My opinion does not represent my employer). I want to ask my psychiatrist his opinion on taking on more, but he is out of town.. I emailed therapist but I don’t know if she will get back to me.
I have a delay with the hearing aids. The audiologist contacted my insurance and they said I have no coverage. That did not sound right, so I called. I have a $1000 allowance but it needs authorization from my medical group. I asked my primary care and she said she is not the one to ask, I had been referred to an ENT when they sent me to the audiologist so I don’t know if the ENT is supposed to get authorization. I am hoping I get them before the end of the year.
I am still doing TikTok videos on coping with schizoaffective disorder. Username Schizoaffective Dog Mom. I used to do live Periscopes. Few people came, but it was fun. TikTok has a live feature, but you need to have 1000 followers (I have 50). I guess it does not make sense to go live with no audience, but I am a little bummed I can’t use that feature. I have enjoyed viewing live videos.
I have been having trouble hearing soft sounds for years. I get a lot of wax buildup so I have to get my ears cleaned periodically. I finally told my Dr I am still having hearing problems after my ears are cleaned out.
She referred me to an ENT. I went today. The first thing I did was see the audiologist. He did all kinds of tests and concluded I have hearing loss and need hearing aids
The ENT agreed. I made an appointment to have a consultation on hearing aids next week. They may be covered by my insurance.
I am congested from allergies. I take Claritin D and Flonase. He said I should not still be congested and prescribed another spray.
I am glad I will be able to hear conversations now. I don’t know much about hearing aids and if they are a hassle or just like glasses.
I will keep blogging. The reason I was drawn to TikTok is that I went to an online NAMI CA conference and someone recommended a few users on TikTok. I liked what I saw and would like to add to that. I am older and not very technologically adept so we shall see how long I last. I did make some periscope videos when those were a thing, but few people came.
I am doing well. I just took my dog, Raider, to a Halloween event at a pet store. They had treats for dogs and people, lots of dogs dressed up, raffles, an artist, a dog rescue with the cutest puppies. Raider gets nervous but he seemed to have a good time meeting the other dogs. I just put a bandana on him. I entered the raffles. One prize is a portrait of your dog which would be awesome. We have one that my niece made that I love.
My health insurance, including behavioral health, changes Jan 1. My psychiatrist takes the new insurance. My therapist doesn’t but can apply for continuation of care and if it is approved the new insurance will cover her. Otherwise, I found someone highly recommended who takes the new insurance but retires in 2023. I was really anxious at first but now I am calm since it should work out.
ETA: hey I won the pet portrait from I’llShoot Your Pets (gotta love the name). So excited! and a Target gift card.
I have had sinus congestion and headaches off and on for a couple of weeks. It is finally starting to clear up. I swear I have a barometer in my head and get headaches when it is about to rain. We had a storm with thunder and lightening and then my head started to clear.
My husband and I went to San Diego for a couple of days to celebrate 25 years of marriage. Mental health issues can be hard on relationships and I am glad we have been able to get through all of these years. My daughter stayed home with the dog. I don’t think she missed us but the dog did. We mostly relaxed and ate. Everything was walking distance from where we stayed.
The first night we went to a restaurant, Rockin’ Baja Lobster. We were there at happy hour. I went way off my keto diet and even had a few drinks. The next day we had lunch at a Brazilian steakhouse, Fogo de Chao. It was fancy but we just had the salad bar. It was pretty filling. That night we went to a dueling piano bar, The Shout House. That was a lot of fun. They called people up on stage which would have embarrassed me.
Now we are home and getting back into our routine. My mother in law is taking us out tonight and then I go back on keto. I plan on going alcohol free until April. I belong to some Facebook groups for moderate alcohol drinking. I asked about any live groups and was told about one over zoom. I went, but when I told them I drink twice a year the host was surprised and I felt like I did not belong. My issue was, I am not sure if I want to expand on that, but I think I figured out what I want to do on my own. I am keeping alcohol out of the house, but if we go to an event where I am not driving I am giving myself the option to drink. With Covid there have not been many social occasions.
I have health insurance through my husband’s work. They decided to change insurance companies coming in January. Our PCPs are in network but behavioral health is different. As far as psychiatrists, I have been on the same regimen for years so I mainly just need someone to refill my prescriptions. But, I have so much trouble finding a therapist I click with. I like the one I have now, but she does not take the new insurance. I have been searching but I don’t know how to look. I found one therapist who is great, but is retiring in 2023. I am not sure if I want to start all over then.
I recently discovered I am lactose intolerant. I just bought a yogurt maker and was making yogurt with half and half, which was a simple recipe, but now I am trying to switch to coconut milk. So far, I have had little success. I have made gelatin, which tasted okay but was definitely not yogurt. I had a batch that did not set and one that turned out sour. I used them in smoothies. They are fine to eat, but not what I am looking for.
I probably would give up and just buy non dairy yogurt, but I want to use the maker. I don’t know what else it could be used for.
I have been making green smoothies, too. I drink them most mornings now. Our blender died after 20 years so we got one that makes smoothies and is durable. I put in ice, soy or coconut milk, spinach, cucumber, coconut milk yogurt, ginger, chia seeds, plant protein powder and blend. It is pretty filling.
Image coffee mug with coffee and coconut milk, green smoothie
My weight has been stalled since I had a medication change in June, but my glucose is good and I am in ketosis (on ketogenic diet). I had been logging my food on Cronometer but I think it was overestimating my energy expenditure so I switched to myfitnesspal. You enter your foods and it calculates the calories, carbs, fats, protein etc. I am not perfect at logging but it gives me an idea of where I am at. I have it linked to my Fitbit and scale.
I am still doing 14 hour fasts. It is not too difficult for me. I have not noticed any changes with fasting. I do feel a lot better now that I am not having much dairy.
Image bottle of milk and glass with red circle and slash
I am in a weight loss program with Digbi Health. I found it looking through programs offered through my insurance. Unfortunately, they do not cover me because I have type 2 diabetes and they refer me to other programs. I called to find out why it is not covered and the sales rep explained that to me and gave me a discount that expired that evening. I thought about it and maybe impulsively signed up.
I am still doing keto. Digbi recommends a lot of veggies with meals and I am having trouble staying in ketosis but my glucose is okay. I want to find a way to work the Digbi program and Virta keto together. I tried asking both how I can blend them but I guess I was not clear because I have not got much of an answer from either program.
With Digbi they do a dna and gut biome analysis. I got the dna results. Some things I found out are that I am lactose intolerant and my blood pressure changes with sodium intake. I have been making yogurt with half and half and have had some digestive issues but I had not put the 2 together. I tried making yogurt with coconut milk and it became gelatin. Not sure if that was the recipe, the coconut milk brand or me. I am going to try a different recipe next time.
I don’t know if i have to avoid all dairy or if things like heavy cream and cheese are okay. I found a sub on Reddit. They were helpful, but they told me it is an individual thing. I got some lactaid tablets, too.
Some other things I found out were vitamin and mineral requirements, like I need more vitamin A and Copper. They don’t test levels, it is how you metabolize. I also have a lot of weight gain tendencies which just means I have to be diligent. Apparently, I have high heart capacity, poor flexibility. I found it interesting. I am going over the results with my coach this week.
Stronger Than You Think 