It has been a long time since I last wrote. I got certified as a peer support specialist but full time work was too much for me. I requested fewer hours and my psychiatrist wrote a note but my employer refused. I felt like I was either working or recovering and got very depressed. I attempted sui but except for a trip to the er and a week long hospital stay, nothing happened.
I did 2 1/2 months of a PHP. It was okay. I did tms again and it helped but it seems to have worn off. I tried going back to work but nothing had changed and I got depressed again so I stopped working. I am applying for expedited reinstatement of SSDI but I don’t know if they are processing with shutdown.
I am looking into ketamine nasal spray treatment (spravato). My insurance approved it after months but I don’t have an appointment yet. It is done in psychiatrist office and you can’t drive after.
I have not been doing much. My sleep is iffy and I am tired often. I got akasithia from a medication and then had restless legs from another. I was really uncomfortable.
I have been playing with AI making pictures and memes. I find it is a way to express myself, but I know there are downsides.
3 pics: dog with big eyes rainbow background (groovy), dog painting self portrait, me with my dog starry night background
Image: cartoon of several people sitting in chairs. Group therapy.
I have several chronic conditions: mental health, type 2 diabetes, sleep apnea, hypothyroidism, hypertension. I am on 9 medications. I was wondering if there is any type of holistic treatment that could help, and searched different terms in my insurance directory. I came upon a mental health facility that is holistic and integrative. They have a nutritionist on staff. It wasn’t exactly what I was thinking but it looked helpful.
I saw the psychiatrist and he is a bit different but I like him. He changed my diagnosis from schizoaffective to major depressive disorder and anxiety. He seems sure I was misdiagnosed. He decreased my antipsychotic, I am on a baby dose that is more of an adjunct for depression, so far, so good. I
Image: Stethoscope with words Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation
They do a type of Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation called MeRT. It took a couple of months but my insurance finally approved it. I had an EEG yesterday. They use the EEG to determine how to apply magnetic therapy. I may start as soon as tomorrow morning.
The therapy helps bring your brain waves to calm, alert alpha waves. You can get there through coping tools like mindfulness and meditation but this works much faster. I have had anxiety Al, of my life and it impacts me daily. I am really hoping this will help. I use a lot of stress reduction techniques and have been trying to expose myself to things I fear.
I spent 5 weeks in Partial hospitalization all day M-F. Now I am in intensive outpatient 8:15-11:45 M-F. The next step down is 3 days/week, then I am done but will come in for MeRT. I think the routine and structure help. I am learning a lot. You can’t drink alcohol while during MeRT. It is M-F daily and 36 sessions total.
You come up with a daily schedule but I have trouble sticking with it once I get home. I was supposed to come up with a meal plan but I don’t know how. I eat, mostly low carb, but I don’t really plan my meals. I keep snacks on hand and my husband usually makes dinner.
My fasting glucose does not match my A1C. My A1C is normal. I am trying a continuous glucose monitor. I like it but it show high readings, too. My dr thinks donating blood gives me a false low A1C so I am having another blood test in a few months and not donating. I am thinking of volunteering for the Red Cross at the donor center, but I am having trouble hearing. I am getting the wax cleaned out of my ears soon and try to get on a schedule so my hearing aids can work.
Image: dinosandcomics cartoon I hate leaving the house, why are you here then, well…, I have to have something to talk to my therapist about
I started seeing a new therapist when my insurance changed in January. He started spacing our sessions further apart because I am doing well and run out of things to say. Last month he told me he thinks I just need to see him, as needed, and to contact him if I need an appointment.
I don’t know what to think. I am happy I am doing well but did not know I could finish, with a chronic mental health condition. I do like checking in with someone but I have a psychiatrist and support group and people around me.
When I ask people about it they think I am unhappy and tell me to speak up, but that is not the issue. I am unsure how I feel. I am getting used to the idea now.
I also changed psychiatrist with the insurance change. But, I am having more insurance issues. He is part of a medical group that is covered but they are not recognizing him in their system. They covered the first appointment but denied the second. I filed a grievance and the psychiatrist office says it will be taken care of. It still makes me nervous.
Work is going fine. I work 2 days and they hired someone to work the other 3. I was wondering what he was doing. Work would be piled up for me when I came in. I just found out he has not been working there for over a month I feel silly for not knowing, but no one told me.
Weight watchers is going fine. I had a birthday and celebrated with some desserts. My weight has been going up and down but at least it I have not be gained. I am getting back at it. I got a recipe book when I signed up and have made a few recipes. I made slow cooked oats with fruit and a hash brown and egg meal. I have coconut milk yogurt cooking overnight. I plugged in a blueberry muffin recipe and it is 6 pts which is okay for a treat but I have to limit to one.
Stronger Than You Think 