It sounds boring and predictable, but I am reliable. If I make a commitment, I stick to it. This has not always been the case. I used to get anxious and back out of things. I was seen as flakey.
I don’t like surprises. I am not spontaneous.
“spontaneity has it’s time and place” – Sure Thing
I like places that are peaceful and quiet. I would rather be alone than at a party.
When I was younger, I would barely speak. They called me shy. I have social anxiety. Now, I can speak in front of groups, although I still shake, but it took a lot of work. I am typically a bundle of nerves. I have a number of coping skills. They all help a little, and it adds up.
I have a list of different coping methods here:
https://lorib.blog/2017/03/20/coping-with-schizoaffective-disorder/
I rarely make posts about politics. I don’t want to upset people or get in debates. But, the corruption in government is getting more blatant. Donald Trump as president is a product of election interference. We have voting machines that can change results, foreign governments interfering, voter suppression by things like requiring an id, which is a problem in itself because you need time and money for that, but then closing dmvs so it is even more of a burden, gerrymandering.
I received my mail in ballot with 20 presidential candidates listed (some who have dropped out). I really like Harris and it is a shame she ended her run. I am torn, I want someone who has ideas I value and who can beat Trump. We need everyone to vote if we want to overcome all the cheating and I am cynical that will be enough. I want fair, honest elections with everyone who wants to, being able to vote.
Not my most favorite O word, but I want to keep this blog user friendly
I don’t know where I would be without optometry. I would probably be squinting, walking into things, guessing what signs say. I used to have good vision, then, I hit 40. First, I just needed glasses for reading, but now I have progressive lenses. Not bifocals, but trifocals. I had no trouble adjusting to them.
The last time I had my vision checked my left eye has gotten much worse. The lens on that side is much thicker. The man taking the order asked what happened. Did I get in an accident or have a stroke? No, I don’t know why it got so much worse.
If you asked me what I could not do without, you can take a away my phone but I need to keep my glasses.
I don’t understand them well, but neurotransmitters rule my life. Too much dopamine and I get psychotic. Too little serotonin and I am depressed. Along with others like glutamate it is a delicate balance
I take medications and supplements to help restore the balance. They seem to be working. If only they did not come with side effects. My mouth is constantly dry to the point it is hard to talk. I usually carry a bottle of water everywhere. I am chronically fatigued which I believe is due in part to my medications. It is definitely worth those side effects to be functional
Chemical imbalance is one theory for mental illness. In my case it makes sense to me.
Continuing the alphabet game with the letter M.
I worry about Money. I imagine that is common.
When I was psychotic I would spend and donate to causes because voices told me I should. It could have been worse, but I was isolating so I did not have a lot of spending opportunities. I remember something popped up on the computer screen once. I thought it was a message and I purchased it. It was a year subscription to something we did not need.
So, my husband took over our finances. Now, I am unsure of where we are at, which makes me anxious. I should have him go through it with me, he will, When I am ready.
Laughter, life, listen.
I am choosing Love
I love my family. If it is possible, I may tell them too often that I love them.
My husband is wonderful. He did not sign up to be married to a woman with a mental illness. I was diagnosed 7 years into our marriage. He has stuck with and put up with me. I am so happy we found each other.
My son tells us he loves us even more than I do. He is a hugger and an all around nice person. My daughter is more reserved. She is great too, just quieter. I think she likes us. She loves the dog. We all do,
Valentine’s Day is coming up. We don’t really celebrate. My favorite day is Feb 15, when the candy is on sale.
Moving on with the alphabet game
I am kind. It is one of my better qualities. And, people generally respond well. Occasionally, someone will try to intimidate me. I would say they mistake my kindness for weakness, but I have been pretty spineless. I am getting better at putting my foot down.
Yesterday, I was going to a pharmacy. I was waiting for a car to pull out, but he was taking his time, so I drove further. I found a parking space and it was not much more of a walk. The man came up to me in the store and told me how much he appreciated me letting him pull out. (I hope he did not come back just for that) It was unusual. I thought it was nice for him to thank me, but was unnecessary. That is the thing about kindness, it may not be necessary but neither is coldness or meanness.
I have a Job.
I work as a peer mentor in a mental health facility. About the only place you can work where having experienced mental illness is desirable. But, there is no room for advancement. And, there is no certification or required qualifications in my state and the pay is not great.
I like many things about my job. I work part time and have nice hours. My meds make me tired and I don’t have to be in until 9:30, which is doable. I work 4 days/week. I can make appointments on my day off. The people I work with are friendly.
In a former life I worked in the field I studied. I was a clinical laboratory scientist. Until. a psychotic break changed all that. I determined it would be too stressful for me to attempt to return and let my license expire years ago,
This is a better fit for me.
At the end of the day, it’s just a job.
I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream.
My favorite treat. What can be said about a dessert so sweet?
I like sno cones stuffed with ice cream. I like ice cream sandwiches. Ice cream cones.
My favorite flavor is peppermint
Do you have a favorite dessert or flavor?
Stronger Than You Think 