I have not been feeling well. Depressed and anxious, a little paranoid. I decided to go to a support group. I was hoping I would feel better, sometimes I feel worse afterwards. Lately, I have been getting agitated and frustrated during support group meetings. I am not sure why. I wasn’t sure if i should go. I did not need to feel worse.
I was the first to share. I just let everything out. The suicidal thoughts, sadness, anxiety. I told them I was anxious about past work experience and now i have a new job and it is change and I am already upset about work. And, the past is never going to change.
Many people were depressed there. I listened to others and could feel the pain. I tried to give support. I could not express myself the way I would like.
This moderator tends to talk a lot. Sometimes, I find it annoying, but not that night. He seemed to get what i was saying and made sure i am safe. (I am). He and others validated my experience. No one seemed to get the unbearable shame I feel. The moderator tried explaining to me that the path you take leads you to where you are and that I would not be me if things were different. I knew what he meant, but it did not apply to what I was saying. Maybe, I was too vague.
I accepted the feedback and felt supported. I think I was understood about 80% and that has to be good enough. I did feel validated and heard.